My One True Fear is Becoming My Mother

My "Loving" Mother

My one wish in life, to put it simply, is to be everything my mother is not. She is unsuccessful, unhealthy, and has a dingy, dirty apartment that is in serious need of repairs.  She also has a lot of cleaning to do. I have been able to withstand this, but I don’t think I will be able to ignore the fact that my mother needs help. I wish she wasn’t so hard to handle, but I guess beggars really can’t be choosers. I have grown a lot in my life, and my mother is simply too screwed up to care anymore. She will die if she continues on this path. However, she doesn’t care about the fact that she is hurting me by doing this. She thinks we all don’t care about her, because when we want something from her is when we are nice to her. While I’m not saying this isn’t true, I do say that my mother brings all that upon herself. If she wasn’t such a hassle, then we wouldn’t have such a hard time with her. She knows this, too, and simply decides that it is not her fault. Well it is, to tell you the truth. It always has and always will be. I don’t know when I will get over this, but I guess it helps to write it down.

ok, so i wanted to state that i wrote this little thing eons ago. im only sharing it now because i only recently found it. though there wasnt much to this post, its still worth mentioning. i only feel this way because a lot of things my mom does makes me feel uncomfterble. and its not that she is embarassing. not in the slightest. she just..........erks me in many ways. since this was an old piece, i decided to underline it. so, if you see anything i write have underlined text, its probably an old piece of writing. i do love my mother, im not saying i dont. im just fearful of actually inheriting her more...atrotious habits and lifestyle doings. she is doing some good, but i feel its not enough......but, theres not much i can do about that at the moment.....so, for now, i leave you with this: regardless what you do, ALWAYS push foward, only looking back when you need a refference for something. i know looking back has helped me go into a lot of situations with a more prepaired air to my presence. so, i will state that and be on my way. see you next post.