My One True Fear is Becoming My Mother

My one wish in life, to put it simply, is to be everything my mother is not. She is unsuccessful, unhealthy, and has a dingy, dirty apartment that is in serious need of repairs.  She also has a lot of cleaning to do. I have been able to withstand this, but I don’t think I will be able to ignore the fact that my mother needs help. I wish she wasn’t so hard to handle, but I guess beggars really can’t be choosers. I have grown a lot in my life, and my mother is simply too screwed up to care anymore. She will die if she continues on this path. However, she doesn’t care about the fact that she is hurting me by doing this. She thinks we all don’t care about her, because when we want something from her is when we are nice to her. While I’m not saying this isn’t true, I do say that my mother brings all that upon herself. If she wasn’t such a hassle, then we wouldn’t have such a hard time with her. She knows this, too, and simply decides that it is not her fault. Well it is, to tell you the truth. It always has and always will be. I don’t know when I will get over this, but I guess it helps to write it down.

                One problem about my mother is that she is stubborn as a mule, and she seems to find nothing wrong with that. However, I, my brother and my sister know it’s a problem. And we have tried and failed multiple times in trying to fix this…..

                My life has been a hazard left and right. It has been full of tough choices and big risks. I don’t have a lot of money, and I just left an interview, praying that I will get the job. If not, well, at least I tried. I’m trying not to heavily rely on SSI, but for me right now, that’s kind of hard. Although I think I’ll be a good fit for this position, and it’s through school, too, I feel that I will not be able to make a big splash with this. I am so out of it, and I only had one interview. But, in my never ending quest to be all that my mother is not, I’m going to have many days like this. That’s one of the things I need to do. And I don’t think I will have an easy tim3 with it. But, that’s life, and to accomplish my dream, I have to do this. I have to go to an interview ready and willing to be able to show confidence and prove that I am a good candidate for the position, which is Administrative Assistant, by the way. Yeah, I know, it’s not glamorous, but it’s a job. And I need one very badly. I pray I am accepted, ad that I am able to do the job right. I think I have a shot, but I will keep my fingers crossed just in caser. Man, I am praying that I get this job. This is just another day where I prove I can be better than my mother. And that day will come.