"I want to be on some track, though I am not sure what track to choose. I cant seem to win at any particular thing, and my mind goes roller coaster. My warped sense of funny is induced with a piece of corn. I never see what I do wrong, for none seek to help me. I don’t find my ideal lover, I am not in a great tiding, my world may come crumbling, should I lose its bindings. My word is stronger than theirs, I can get my own way. I try to be more acceptable, but it still gets me turned away. I pray one day, though religions not my faith, that some good will come of my heart broken shame. A life I never seemed to get over, and a friend I will soon probably lose, a light in my home I cant turn on. I pray to my faith I find acceptance soon. I never seemed so restless, that I would soon not go on….
Though I pray that my mind makes a true decision soon, I
cannot help what my body does. I am not out of control, my mind simply loves
games. I pray the world will right its wrongs, though that’s just the air we
bleached. I wish upon my moody past time, that it someday not be so bad. I
don’t even know most of what I say, though for this I don’t feel bad. If one
thing were to right itself, I would then be able to actually live out my
wrongs. If only a small token were to fix itself, then I can move on. I know,
its stupid, but I am not one to be wise. Though I try to fix them, that act
creates more demise. I want a way in, not a puzzle and way out. My work is null
and void, my love life doa, my mind completely warped, my heart stressed and un
happy. My true nature, I can summarize, has been to be good, be morale, be
kind. My heart yearns for much, my mind thursts for a form of peace. My life is
harsh, but others still worse, yet I pester about my own.
Why not care for others? Because I cannot care for myself. I
live by that notion, for if I cannot feed my body, how can I feed someone else?
It is truth I cannot deny, a speech I cannot unbind, though the world will have
it their way, not mine. My work is substancial, my heart fully functional. My
tears lost their taste, my heart steadily turns cold…I cannot help if I myself
am in ruin. I have reached an all time low….
All this from a deprived heart and mind. All this from a
partly confused mostly irritated creature. I have sought a way to solve this,
yet get no further, and make no judgements…my world comes crumbling, my heart a
feral mess. My mind….i wont even go there. I pray I get to where I want. If
not, oh well…"
(also, I tend to have these at different lengths. this one is so far the longest one I wrote. I could be wrong, but I still have a couple I have yet to reread. hope you found it as interesting as I did!!!)
